T-12
THE HERALD, Sharon, Pa., September 27, 2011; ALLIED NEWS, Grove City, Pa., September 28, 2011
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kelseykradelphotography@gmail.com
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ASK CARLEY
Q: What on Earth is a
tiered reception? I keep
hearing that I shouldn’t do it,
but I don’t even know what
the heck it is.
A:
Couples who have tiered
receptions invite some guests
to both the ceremony and en-
tire reception, and then oth-
ers to the ceremony and the
latter (read: after the $100-a-
plate meal) portion of the par-
ty.
Our opinion? It’s a bad
idea. Anyone invited to the
wedding should be asked to
attend both your ceremony
and your reception in its en-
tirety. By having a tiered re-
ception, you’re basically say-
ing to certain guests, “You’re
not important enough for me
to feed you. Just come hang
out when the party’s almost
over.”
Cue the hurt feelings.
If you’re on a tight budget
and have a circle of friends
(work acquaintances, for ex-
ample) you can’t afford to in-
vite to the re-
ception, con-
sider a small
r e c e p t i o n .
Then, at a
later date,
plan a big
party at a bar
where every-
one pays his
or her own
way. You’ll
still be able
to celebrate
with them, but in an open,
honest, non-awkward forum.
Q: My fiancé and I are get-
ting married in Maui (just
the two of us), and my mom
wants to throw a bridal
shower to celebrate. Is it ap-
propriate since we’re not
planning on having a recep-
tion?
A:
Etiquette rules say that
anyone invited to the bridal
shower must also be invited
to the wedding. Otherwise, it
looks like you’re fishing for
gifts from people who didn’t
make the final guest-list cut.
But we think your situation
is an exception, as you’re not
having a reception at all. We
understand that your mom
wants to celebrate. And if all
the shower guests know
you’re not having a reception,
we doubt they’ll be upset.
If you’re worried about
friends and family being eti-
quette police, simply skip the
shower and consider throw-
ing a party later on.
Q: I’ve decided to have a
family-only wedding party. I
know some of my friends ex-
pect to be bridesmaids and
will be hurt, but should I
even address it? How can I
show them that they’re still
really important to me?
A:
This is a tough one, and
brides-to-be have long debat-
ed whether they should even
say something to girlfriends
who’d assumed they’d be
bridesmaids.
We say: Better to let them
down gently. Be open and
honest about your decision to
have a family-only wedding
party (no matter the reason)
instead of ignoring the fact
that your best friends may
have pictured themselves
standing by your side on your
wedding day.
If you’re looking for ways
to involve them, ask them to
read at the ceremony or give
toasts at the reception. Honor
them with a rose at either.
But please, whatever you do,
don’t ask them to man the
guest book or the gift table.
Q: We ran through our cer-
emony timing, and it’s only
about 12 minutes long. Is
that too short? Should we
add something to beef it up?
A:
Don’t worry about the
ceremony being too short.
There aren’t any time require-
ments. As long as it includes
everything you want, there’s
no need to add anything. It’s
silly to stretch the time with
readings or songs that mean
nothing to you as a couple.
And trust us -- your guests
will appreciate the brevity.
Carley Roney, co-founder
and editor in chief of The Knot,
the nation’s leading wedding
resource.
Scripps Howard News Service
Carley
Roney
The Knot