Today, people will be remembering and reliving the terrorist attacks of a year ago, but a local family relives the attacks everyday.

"If somebody asked me how I really feel, I don't feel any better than the day I found out. My heart is just as heavy, except that the expectation is gone. There's no more hope," said John Koborie, 76, of Trumbull Avenue in Sharon. "I'm talking for the whole family. They're the same way."

His daughter, Rebecca Koborie, 48, of Guttenberg, N.J., was working for Marsh and McClennan Inc., on the 97th floor of the first World Trade Center tower to be hit by a hijacked plane. The plane hit the 96th through the 103rd floors.

After relatives and friends spent several weeks searching for her, the family held a memorial service Oct. 13. Ms. Koborie was remembered for her love of family and friends, and for her love of music.

The Rebecca Koborie Memorial Scholarship was established in her name at Sharon High School through the Shenango Valley Foundation for a graduating senior going into a music-related field. After the award of the first scholarship of $1,000 last May, there is about $13,000 in the fund. The family also purchased several trees in Buhl Farm's arboretum in memory of Ms. Koborie.

"The only thing that people can do is comfort us and they do. We will keep her memory forever with the projects we've implemented and the scholarship," Koborie said. "The recent concert in her memory, I think that was a very fitting act on the part of the Packard Music Concert Band organized by Fred Boles."

As for blame, Koborie said, there's plenty to go around, but he tries not to dwell on it.

"I only blame those that were involved, not all the (Muslim) people. I only blame our country's lack of interest in protecting our citizens. The C.I.A., the F.B.I. -- where were they? These are the people I have a hard time with giving credit for doing their job properly. I might end up with them at my door but they can come and I'll tell them the same thing," he said.

Koborie said a Muslim doctor in the valley approached him and told him he was sorry about the family's loss. The doctor explained that Islam is not about hatred and killing but about peace. "Not all Muslims are thugs or terrorists. You can find devils in Catholics or Protestants too. A few bad eggs ruin it for all the good people around them," Koborie said.

Legal matters have also made things difficult for the family.

"We have to cope with things we never thought of," he said. "We're always getting papers from New York and New Jersey, such as when we had to terminate all of her benefits. Her company provided us with lawyers to help us. They are a wonderful, wonderful company. But solving those matters was an additional burden to us," Koborie said, adding that since their daughter had no dependents, they did not accept any money from the Red Cross on her behalf.

One source of comfort is the letters, phone calls and visits by people who remembered Ms. Koborie and have "Becky stories" to tell them.

"They told us she always recognized those people who were pressured and ignored, and always encouraged them. You know how that is in school," said Julie Koborie, of her daughter, a 1971 Sharon High School graduate. "One person who came to our door cried and told us that when she was way down in the dumps in her life, Becky encouraged her and comforted her and she never forgot it. She gave us a vase of flowers and gave to the scholarship fund."

"A lady from Virginia wrote to us who was two years behind Becky in school and said that Becky always helped her even though she thought she was a terrible singer," Mrs. Koborie said. "It's nice to hear those stories. It didn't matter to Becky if you were popular or not. Reasons like that is why it's so good to hear these stories. It gives us some satisfaction."

But the Kobories keep "coming back to Becky," and despite all the plans and projects they are involved in, little assuages their pain.

"We've been dragging to tell you the truth. People tell us we're grieving. That's an understatement. There's a lot of grief when you realize she'll never be back," said Koborie. "I had a nice family, a happy family, a strong family, and along comes a bunch of thugs and breaks it up."

"Some people say this happened according to the Bible. Well I'm very sorry, it's not helping me. They say in spirit she's here. That's not enough for me. I argue with God a lot about that fateful day. But I still believe in him," Koborie said.